Song of Solomon 8:6, “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm..”
This past Sunday we looked what it meant for Shulammith to be a seal on Solomon’s heart and arm. Here is a fun little quiz to see how we are doing husbands.
Lover’s Quotient Test*
We need to find out just how creative you are as a husband! let’s take the following Lover’s Quotient Test. Give yourself ten points for each item on the following list if you have done it once in the past six months. If you have done any item on the list two or more times, you get twenty points.
Once again: don’t take the results too seriously, but do take them seriously enough!
____ Have you phoned her during the week and asked her out for one evening that weekend without telling her where you are taking her? A mystery date is what we have in mind!
____ Have you given her an evening completely off? You clean up the kitchen; you take care of the kids; you get things settled for the night.
____ Have you gone parking with her at some safe and secluded spot and kissed and talked for an evening?
____ Have you drawn a bath for her after dinner? Put a scented candle in the bathroom; added bath oil to the bath; sent her there right after dinner, and then you cleaned up and put the kids to bed while she relaxed? (In order to get any points for this you must also clean up the tub!)
____ Have you phoned her from work to tell her you were thinking nice thoughts about her? (You get no points for this one if you asked her what was in the mail or what is for dinner!)
____ Have you written her a love letter and sent it special delivery? (First class mail will do.)
____ Have you made a tape recording of all the reasons you have for loving her? Given it to her wrapped in a sheer negligee?
____ Have you picked up your clothes just one time in the past six months and put them on hangers?
____ Have you given her an all-over body massage with scented lotion? (If not, why not?)
____ Have you spent a session of making love to her that included at least two hours of romantic conversation, shared dreams, and much variety of approach and caresses?
____ Have you repaired something around the house that she has not requested?
____ Have you kissed her passionately for at least thirty seconds one morning just before you left for work or one evening when you walked in the door?
____ Have you brought her an unexpected little gift like perfume, a ring, or an item of clothing?
____ Have you replaced her old negligee?
____ Have you given her a day off? Sent her out to do what she wants? You clean the house, fix the meals, and take care of the kids. (My wife says you ought to get thirty points for this one!)
____ Have you put a special-effects recording of ocean waves on tape and played it while you had a luau on the living room floor? Other creative evening adventures may be substituted!
____ Have you spent a whole evening (more than two hours) sharing mutual goals and planning family objectives with her and the children?
____ Have you ever planned a surprise weekend? You make the reservations and arrange for someone to keep the children for two days. Tell her to pack her suitcase, but don’t tell her where you are going (just be sure it’s not the Super Bowl). Make it someplace romantic.
This ridiculous test has been given to men all over the country. Let’s see how your scores compare with theirs:
200–360 – Awesome! You are the man! You undoubtedly have one of the most satisfied wives in the country. You are in the top one percent!
150–200 – Way to go! Very few make this category. You are a top-ten candidate! Your wife probably smiles a lot!
100–150 – This husband is the norm and usually not very exciting as a lover. You are steady, but there are not many fireworks in the area of romance from your wife’s perspective.
50–100 – Boring! You can do better than this! Too many score in this category. I hope you will begin to work to move up soon.
0–50 – Ouch! Sad! Sad! Sad! There is a huge difference between a typical husband and a lover. The only reason your wife is still married to you is that She’s a Christian. She has unusual capacity for unconditional acceptance (of you!), and some verses in the Bible sustain her.
*(Adapted from Jody Dillow’s “Lover’s Quotient Test.”)